Kamala Attends Viking Funeral for Tim Walz

Following the decisive loss in last week’s presidential election, Vice President Kamala Harris attended and spoke at a Viking funeral held for her running mate Minnesota Governor Tim Walz.

Viking funerals feature the deceased laid in a ship which is then set on fire, symbolizing the deceased’s journey to the afterlife. The ceremony was held here in Tampa on Lake Thonotosassa because Florida is among the few states where Viking funerals are illegal but largely ignored. 

“America fell in love with Tim and his folksy, down-to-earth Minnesota demeanor. It’s tragic that we’ll never see him again after this traditional Norse send-off. Oh Tim, I hardly knew ye,” said Harris. “I mean that literally; I just met you less than four months ago.” 

At that point, Walz stood up, waved his arms and yelled from the burning ship, “Kamala! It’s me! Tim! I’m still alive!”

“Shhh, Tim. Let it go and rest easy. It’s better this way,” responded Harris.

“Well, gosh. Okey dokey then; the last thing I would ever want to be is a bother,” replied Walz before lying back down.