Local hockey expert doesn’t understand why Lightning won’t sign his favorite player

Paul Ouh of Brandon thinks the Tampa Bay Lightning are missing a huge opportunity by not offering a contract to his favorite player, left winger J. Kudelski of Superstar Hockey, a game he spends several hours a day playing on his phone.

“J. is an absolute beast”, says Ouh. “He’s lethal, practically automatic on one-timers that come from the right side of the screen… I mean, the ice.”

“He’s good for an average of about four goals a game. You telling me the Lightning couldn’t use a guy like that?”

“They lose Maroon, Killorn and Colton and now they’re missing out on a guy they could get for a lousy 50K golden coins!”, he added. “Come on, Brisebois! Do you even want to win? Pull the damn trigger already!”

Ouh admits frustration with Lightning management, when it comes to scouting and signing players because he would be so much better at it.

“I’ll bet the scouting department didn’t even see that game against BigBallsBaller69 when J. scored seven goals and had four assists in a 12-0 win? I doubt it”, he scoffed dismissively.

“There’s no point even mentioning this new H. Burakovsky guy with an OVR of 59 already that I’ve got my eye on, I guess.”