Monster Jam Replaces Trucks with Drones

After readings taken by the Environmental Protection Agency at least night’s Monster Jam at Raymond James Stadium indicated excessive levels of carbon-based pollutants generated by the event, the decision has been made to replace the specialized off-road vehicles with heavy duty suspension, four-wheel steering, large-displacement V8 engines and oversized tires remote-controlled flying drones.

“It’s going to be awesome, a celebration of the miracle of flight,” said promoter Bill “Bob” Shumper. “These machines are remarkable, capable of performing such a wide variety of functions. They go up, they go down, side to side, they hover,” he said. “They hover!”

“They don’t use fossil fuels, they’re virtually silent and since there are no pilots, there’s no risk of anyone getting hurt,” he added. “It’s going to be awesome!”

“It’s going to suck,” said 13-year-old Kevin Plinch. “No chance of anyone getting hurt? Then what’s the point?”

“Can they at least shoot at each other and try to blow each other to bits?”

“Weaponize a drone? Ha ha! What an absurd proposition,” responded Shumper.