Mysterious Drone Activity in New Jersey Explained

For weeks, citizens across New Jersey have reported seeing unidentifiable objects flying overhead late at night, yet credible information regarding the mysterious crafts and what possible purpose they’re serving from authorities has been hard to come by until now. 

“They’re Gasparilla floats,” said Pete Gruzgel, a manager with Garden State Float Disposal of Newark, New Jersey. “We have a landfill and we specialize in parade floats. We were flying a load up from Florida and some of them fell out of the plane.”

“Oops,” he added.

Citizens have become increasingly alarmed as sightings have been more frequent.

“These things don’t move like airplanes,” said Mary Krimwitz of Paterson.

“No shit, lady. I just told you they’re parade floats,” responded Gruzgel.

In related news, while similar sightings have also been reported in New York and Pennsylvania, none have been seen in Florida.

“That’s because we shoot them down,” said Colonel Joe Broey from MacDill Air Force Base. “We don’t play around.”

“We shoot stuff down all the time. We don’t have time to investigate what it is because we’re busy barbecuing it. At that point it’s somebody else’s problem,” he explained further. “Or more like it’s nobody’s problem any more at that point. You’re welcome.”

“Basically, everybody should be on notice that your Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena doesn’t vacation where we live,” he added.