New fitness center opens in Westchase

A new gym for people with a particular workout preference has opened in the Westchase area just west of Tampa. 

“Not Right Now Fitness is for people who like to have gym memberships and say they’re working out but don’t actually go to the gym and do anything”, said owner Hugh Spartz. “Bitching about the gym not being available when it’s convenient is a whole vibe and we’re tapping into that.”

“They can visit any of our 24 convenient Bay Area locations at any time of day or night, seven days a week and none of them will ever be open. Ever”, he added.

Tammy Beauvoir recently visited the new location and saw the “sorry we’re closed” sign on the door.

“Oh darn. I drove all the way here and they’re not open. Shoot. Oh well. I guess I have no choice but to go across the street to O’Funzie’s Irish Pub and drink beer and eat mozzarella sticks”, she said, while not even wearing workout clothes. 

“I was going to change inside. Shut up”, she said.