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Public’s enjoyment of Barbie movie hampering conservative efforts to cancel it

“Barbie” starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling is the blockbuster hit of the summer so far, but is not without its harsh critics, to whom nobody seems to be paying much attention.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz, too busy with his ongoing search for his own neck to actually see the film, dismissed it as “Chinese communist propaganda” because there’s a scene with a cartoon map of Asia in the movie about toys coming to life that he didn’t see.

Ben Shapiro, political commentator and Ken doll cosplayer Tweeted that “it was one of the most woke movies I have ever seen” (it’s not known whether or not he ever saw or read “To Kill a Mockingbird” but we can probably guess) and followed that up by releasing a 43-minute video on YouTube that begins with him setting fire to a Barbie doll from his own personal collection, in the style of Kid Rock firing a gun at beer that he bought with his own money.

Twinsies! Cute!

In spite of these thoughtful and well-reasoned criticisms from conservative superstars along with Matt Gaetz’s wife (which, who knew?) who flat-out advised people not to watch it, the film which opened last Friday has grossed approximately $155 million in the United States and Canada so far, a bright spot in what has been a pretty dismal year for Hollywood.

We spoke to Chud Glumley of Brandon, who self-identifies as a conservative as he was leaving the AMC theater complex in Brandon after taking his 8-year-daughter to see the movie.

“Yeah, I’m conservative. I watch Fox News, I voted for Trump and I’ll do it again. Wanna make something of it?” he asked. Once we assured him we didn’t want to fight because we’re journalists just trying to do our jobs and huge libtard pussies who bleed easily, he calmed down and shared his thoughts on the film.

“It wasn’t bad. I’ve seen worse. It was better than I thought it would be. Pretty funny, too.”

Asked specifically about criticism that it promoted “toxic femininity” and denigrating males, plus Cruz’s accusation that it’s Chinese propaganda, he said, “Well, I knew going in that it was a movie about dolls that wear pink so I kinda assumed it would be geared towards girls. As far as the China thing, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t a real map. The map they showed of England had a crown on it and I know for a fact that there are no giant crowns on the real England.”

He shrugged, said, “It’s just a movie”, got into his Chevy pick-up with his daughter and drove away, making sure to run over my foot as he did so.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54