Rachel Gunn Begins National Speaking Tour as Demotivational Life Coach in Clearwater

Rachel Gunn, also known as Raygun, the Australian whose breaking performance at the Olympics went viral and effectively ended breaking at the Olympics, gave a speech at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater last night as part of a national tour expected to draw dozens of people, if not fewer. 

Wearing the same green and yellow uniform she wore while scoring all zeroes during the Olympics because apparently nobody is going to make her give it back, the Taylor Swift of Not Giving a Fuck addressed a small crowd of anxious overachievers who came seeking advice on how to ease the stress in their lives by being mediocre or less and lowering their standards.

Gunn’s intro placed responsibility on the attendees with a hypothetical question that required a minimum of self-examination to answer.

“Who are you trying to impress? Everyone in the world with a television? Not bloody likely. So why bother?”

She went on to cite statistics and provide examples to validate her point. 

“The fact is, in most situations in real life giving 30% effort is almost always more than enough. Look at the world around you. Who is devoting real attention and energy to doing their jobs or raising their families? Suckers, that’s who. And everything always turns out mostly fine or at least manageable for the most part and that’s all we need to strive for. Does it look like God was really trying when he made Ann Coulter?”

“Or the platypus? A flightless, four-legged, furry duck.”

She then dropped to the floor and started crawling around like one might guess a platypus would.  

She concluded with a reference to a response she’s been giving to those critical of her performance in Paris.

“Don’t be afraid to go out there and not give your best. And if someone says you suck, just tell them you were being different and that will be the truth because the other competitors were trying.”

The lesson was obviously received as intended because she was given an utterly silent, seated ovation that lasted an uncomfortably long time until Gunn, sporting a triumphant look of smugness for some reason, just kind of meandered off the stage.

The whole thing took about 11 minutes and cost $450 to attend. 

“To my own credit, unlike other life coaches who are all phony, full of shit and only interested in ripping people off and making a name for themselves, I am authentically mid,” she said to the media afterward. “And also only interested in ripping people off and making a name for myself.”