Store owner in Clearwater issues his own Milk Crate Challenge

A convenience store owner in Clearwater is getting involved with the latest viral phenomenon by putting his own fun twist on the Milk Crate Challenge.

“If I catch any of you little pricks stealing milk crates from my store, I will put my foot straight up your ass”, said Mike Zipowitz, owner of three ZipMart stores in the Clearwater area. “See how much of a challenge it is extracting my size 12 from your keister.”

Likely inspired by the recent Tokyo Olympic Games, the Milk Crate Challenge consists of forming a pyramid of stacked milk crates and attempting to climb up and down the unstable stacks without falling. It’s proven to be wildly popular on TikTok and other social media platforms because it’s extremely difficult and most people can’t do it without falling, and in many cases, getting seriously injured.

“Oh wow, that’s really interesting!”, said Zipowitz. “You know what I use them for? Storing milk! What the fuck is wrong with you assholes?”

This latest social media challenge is brand new, but Zipowitz has been dealing with people trying to use his milk crates for unintended purposes for years. “Yeah, if it’s not hippies or DJ’s hauling record albums around in them, it’s college students turning them into furniture”, he said. “But whatever. Come on down to ZipMart to try to take my milk crates and I’ll give you something that will do your body NOT good. Specifically, my foot up your ass. Buncha dipshits.”