Tampa Boss Likes How Everybody Just Assumes Today is a Day Off
Gary Burbap, an associate manager at Associate Management Inc in downtown Tampa is pleased that everyone is taking today off from work after Hurricane Milton ravaged the Tampa Bay Area last night.
“Okay, so there was a storm last night but I guess that means no work is getting done today? That’s just terrific,” he said gleefully. “Looks like the reports that are due by the 15th must be all done somehow, although I don’t see how that’s possible since today is the 10th.”
“But no, don’t worry about corporate getting in MY ass about it. You go ahead and take the day off, even though I don’t recall seeing an email saying that was what we’re doing today,” he added with a big toothy smile. “Go ahead, enjoy yourselves. It’s perfectly nice out today with temperatures in the high 70s, low 80s and not even any rain in the forecast. Great conditions to come in and do, oh, I don’t know, your jobs? Or stay home and goof off with whatever if that’s what you want to do instead. I mean, I’m fine. I’m able to go to work. I’ve been here since 10am. My home isn’t ’damaged’, my route to the office isn’t ’impeded with debris’ and ‘should be kept as clear as possible to assure accessibility for emergency vehicles’, whatever that’s supposed to mean. It’s fine, really. Everything is just great.”
“Yes, I heard about Tropicana Field. But the last I checked, we’re in the associate management business, not the Major League Baseball business. Or am I wrong about that? I guess I could be but I don’t think I am,” he said while thoroughly examining his business card to see what was printed on it. “No, from what it says here, it looks like we’re definitely not baseball players.”
“Oh, everybody is doing it? Well, then by all means let’s fall in line and do that,” he said, while making exaggerated hand gestures. “Because that’s exactly how our branch has become the fifth best revenue producer in the west central district of the southeast region in only eight years; by following what everybody else does and not being dynamic innovators. Yeah, THAT’S a recipe for success!”
“Hey, you know what? How about if we take tomorrow off too? Yeah, maybe there’s something fun you didn’t happen to get to today or yesterday. It would be a darn shame to miss out,” he suggested. “Let’s just roll through what’s basically turning into a six-day weekend!”
Burbap is not known for being particularly accommodating to the personal needs of his staff so this acceptance of the circumstances that resulted from the first direct hit that Tampa has taken from a hurricane in over a hundred years is welcomed and appreciated.
Unless he’s just being the sarcastic, condescending, passive-aggressive prick that nobody with the company likes except for higher-ups who’ve never actually worked with or even met him that he usually is, which is entirely possible.
