Tampa Man Murders Inner Voice for Telling Him Not to Worry

Kevin Pointer of Tampa has confessed to stabbing his inner voice to death with a pen because it kept telling him to not worry about Hurricane Milton, the second major tropical storm expected to impact the Tampa Bay Area in three weeks.

“I didn’t kill my optimism; I hope everything is going to be okay. I do think at this point it’s not only reasonable to be kind of worried but it should be expected,” he said. “But this low-budget Jiminy Cricket kept dancing around my head, whistling and singing songs about how everything is going to be fine, devoid of any facts to back that up. I couldn’t take it anymore because I don’t know that it IS going to be fine and empty rhetoric doesn’t do any good. So just let me freak out a little bit and get it out of my system.”

Pointer is free and is not expected to be charged with any crime because it’s not against the law to do whatever is necessary to silence one’s inner voice.