Tampa Man Named Acting JT

In the aftermath of Justin Timberlake’s DWI arrest, Justin Thompson of Tampa has been officially named America’s interim JT.

“Mr. Thompson is exactly the person the nation needs in this important position at this time,” said Nancy Horseblanket, Director of the National Zeitgeist Bureau. “By all accounts, he’s a good guy. His neighbors like him. He’s never been mean to Britney Spears and most importantly, he doesn’t drink nor drive.”

“Now when people reference ‘JT’, they’ll be talking about Mr. Thompson and they’ll be able to feel good about it,” she added.

Thompson will fulfill that responsibility on an interim basis until Timberlake makes an inevitable tearful apology, goes to rehab, appears on some day time talk shows, drops in on SNL, releases a new album and goes on tour. He recently began that lengthy process by entering a guilty plea to a lesser charge of driving while impaired to avoid consequences harsher punishment.

“THAT guy?!?,” reacted Justin Timmons, also of Tampa, to the appointment of Thompson. “I mean, no offense, but I’m a Justin. I’m younger, I’m fitter, I’m better looking and I don’t drink and drive either. Did they just pick the first non-dirt bag with the initials JT they came across?”

“Pretty much,” replied Ms. Horseblanket.