Tampa News Force Welcomes “New” Regime
Some people may have gotten the wrong message from Tampa News Force (TNF) in the days weeks months years leading up to this year’s elections. Or you may have gotten the RIGHT message and misinterpreted it. Both of those things are easy to do; as the publishers of satirical content, it can be hard to tell when we’re serious and when we’re just having funsies. Let us take this opportunity to clear things up…
We’re thrilled that Donald Trump is going to be President again because it’ll be different THIS time. Somehow.
Yeah, like that.
We are really excited that he’s promised to solve ALL the problems on Day One of his new reich reign. We’re gonna buy so many cheap tomatoes and bid a fond farewell to most of the people who harvest them and their families. We’re not sure how those two things mesh but we’re not economists.
Mostly it means we can all kick back and chill for the next 1458 days before the 2028 election or until he inevitably can no longer even pretend to be cognizant enough to serve and hands things off to JD Vance.
It’s going to be awesome when RFK Jr. goes wild on nutrition. Our hope is that he finally declares Uncrustables an official food group.
Elon Musk will be given some as-yet-to-be-determined job. That will be interesting because he’s never had one before.
And at long last, middle-aged straight Caucasian males catch a break and will no longer face relentless scrutiny, persecution or even slight inconvenience. None of us are free unless the overwhelmingly omnipresent members of our society are free.
As far as the state of Florida is concerned…
Yay! Rick Scott is still here! We haven’t seen an empty vessel stick around this long, accomplishing nothing and serving no purpose whatsoever since we finally threw away that pizza box a week after eating it. Stay consistent, Rick. You’re our favorite!
2/3 of the TNF executive staff smokes weed, so the defeat of Amendment 3 doesn’t impact any of us at all.
Amendment 4 also failed and as an all-male executive staff, we can’t wait to not get abortions.
Everything is going to be great, you’ll see! And unless we’re placed under arrest and forced to labor in the tomato orchards or wherever they get those, it’s all going to be daisies* and rainbows!
Well, probably not rainbows.
* (Daisies not guaranteed)
