The Ronny Horror Stricture Show

This weekend, Jobsite Theater premiers their highly awaited (no, I’m not doing an “anticipation” joke!) production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Straz Center for the Performing Arts in Tampa. This marks their first show since Governor Ron DeSantis vetoed the state’s arts funding, effectively erasing a large chunk of the renowned theater company’s budget. Given this, it’s surprising to note that DeSantis, presidential primary disaster and closet Disney adult, has decided to attend the show himself.

“The fact that they’re even doing this play,” says DeSantis, “is exactly why I cut their funding to begin with!”

There are several aspects to Rocky Horror that clash with DeSantis and the far-right ideals that seem to have taken root in Florida politics. Such examples of offensive material include depictions of queer people existing, alternatives to a heteronormative lifestyle, and songs about something other than beach day-drinking or how proud you are to be an American. So why would he even want to see this play?

“People affiliated with Jobsite were so mad I cut their funding,” he says, “that I just had to see what all the hubbub was about, and I have to say, what I saw completely justified my decision to kneecap their program.”

We asked DeSantis to give us a rundown of his experience at Straz’s Jaeb Theater that night.

“It started out as a lovely story about an upstanding conservative gentleman named Brad Majors,” recaps DeSantis, “who wants to give his girl Janine the greatest gift any woman can receive by making her his wife. But it suddenly turns into some kind of lib nightmare after their car breaks down and they seek refuge at a nearby castle.”

At this point in the interview, DeSantis pulls a notebook out of his jacket pocket and very clearly jots down “demolish The Castle in Ybor???” before continuing.

“I don’t really know how to describe what’s happening at this point,” says DeSantis. “It’s kind of like a woke, far-left version of the Captain America origin story.”

While it’s true that living in a party castle, dancing around all night, and having unfettered, judgement-free sexual encounters is the lifestyle most democrats want for the American people, it doesn’t appear to be Ronny’s mug of beer.

“There wasn’t even any boxing in it!” says DeSantis. “And yes, I know it’s not about thatRocky, but they could’ve added it in! I’m sorry, I just can’t get into anything that doesn’t pander to my specific tastes. ‘You better wise up’? No, when it comes to the sensibilities of the people of Florida, they’re the ones who need to wise up, not Jacqueline White!

“And all this talk of Frank-N-Furter this, and Frank-N-Furter that did nothing except make me want a hot dog,” he adds. “And no, not because I wanted to get my mouth on something shaped like– you know what, don’t print that part!”

Sorry, Ron, we’re not government funded, we don’t need to listen to you. And supposedly neither does Jobsite Theater as the obvious forthcoming objections from the governor and his ilk to Rocky Horror has done nothing to deter the play’s production or success.

“I guess they just know how to pander to their demographic,” says DeSantis. “For instance, several people in the audience kept shouting that Brad, the obvious hero of the story, was an ‘asshole’.”

We asked if there was anything he did enjoy about the show or if he had any positive takeaways.

“I guess there is one way to look at it,” says DeSantis, “as this poignant, cautionary tale about the dangers to normal, respectable people like Brad and Jenny being groomed and taken in by the LGBTQ agenda. I mean, really, what is Frank-N-Furter if not a personification of The Left’s woke ideology and its desire to corrupt our moral way of life?”

Well that’s one (wrong) way to look at it….

“I’ll tell you what,” adds DeSantis. “If that’s the message they wish to convey, then I mightconsider restoring their funding. That is, if they agree to tell me where they got Frank-N-Furter’s heels from.”

While we’re not affiliated with Jobsite Theater or Straz, information on ticket availability or how to donate can be found at https://www.jobsitetheater.org/