Skip to content

TNF headline cures erectile dysfunction

A headline posted to a Tampa News Force (TNF) article has apparently cured hundreds, possibly thousands of cases of crippling erectile dysfunction.

“Yes! Yes! It’s happened!” exclaimed Rodney Shimpler of Tampa, representing countless passionate Second Amendment advocates reacting to the article TNF posted two minutes ago. “We’ve been saying for years that the problem with these frequent unfortunate school shootings is NOT white males and now there’s proof. Suck on that, liberals!”

“God, I’m so hard,” he added, gesturing to his crotch. “I can’t wait to have sex with my wife or someone!”

“No more boner pills for me!” he added.

Amber Grifsterson of St. Petersburg, someone’s wife or something, said, “This is fantastic; we FINALLY got one for our side! Um, I mean thoughts and prayers for the senseless tragedy, of course. But still. This is pretty great!”

“I am available for missionary position sex – no kissing – with any and all patriots at this time.”

The article in question, alleging that a Black Drag Queen had been involved in a school shooting was factually inaccurate and probably never should have been posted in the first place, which was mentioned and explained within an update to that article.

“Oh, I didn’t read the article. I don’t have time to devote to the media and their lying, manipulative propaganda. I get everything I need to know by skimming headlines, thank you very much,” said Shimpler. “Good heavens, look at me! I haven’t been this chubbed up since I coached Junior high school football!”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54