Top 5 reasons slavery was awesome, as approved by Florida’s Education Commissioner

On Wednesday, July 26, Florida Education Commissioner Manny Diaz Jr. sent a memo to school superintendents regarding new standards for the instruction of African American history in Florida public schools…

“Dear Superintendents:

As you know, the State Board of Education recently adopted comprehensive African American History Standards. Following the adoption of these standards, the Biden Administration—led by Vice President Kamala Harris and Department of Education Secretary Miguel Cardona—have intentionally misrepresented our groundbreaking work. I am issuing this memo to reaffirm that we will be moving forward with implementing Florida’s new history standards. Despite the partisan and inaccurate criticism we have received, Florida’s thorough standards promote the teaching of accurate, detailed, and nuanced history free from political sanitation or indoctrination.”

From the official memo dated July 26, 2023

Well, thank goodness somebody is finally going to clear up all the confusion! While the phrase “new history standards” would seem to be a contradiction, the memo does go on to use the word “robust” twice, so you know that means serious business.

Florida students, without the nuisance of feeling “guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress” due to their race, color, sex or national origin, will receive instruction on “how slaves developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit”. Basically, slavery for African Americans was just an unpaid work study program. If anything, white people were discriminated against because they weren’t allowed to participate.

There will also be lessons that touch on acts of violence perpetrated “against and by” African Americans because as we know, you also had people that were very not-so-fine people, on both sides.

The message going forward will be that not only was slavery not all that bad but that some aspects of it were pretty great and that people, starting with school children that we wouldn’t want to indoctrinate, should quit bitching about it.

And sure, the African American History Task Force may not have been actively involved in creating the “New History Standards” but Diaz acknowledged that they exist by thanking them anyway, implying that they provided input. Progress!

Anyway, here’s five reasons why slavery was awesome, per the recently adopted comprehensive African American History Standards from the State of Florida’s Board of Education, led by Education Commissioner Manny Diaz Jr.

5. Slavery was for EVERYBODY, not just African Americans

4. Free cruises!

3. Some African Americans were too busy being helpful to be slaves

2. Within a span of a mere 53 years, things were starting to get pretty okay, kind of

1. If anything was ever bad, it’s Eli Whitney’s fault