White Man Carefully Likes Black Woman’s Hair

Brian Williams, a clerical employee at an office in downtown Tampa, admires the new hairstyle of co-worker Brianna Williams (no relation) and feels obligated to say something about it, although he fully recognizes the many reasons that making such an observation could be potentially problematic.

“Wow, look at Brianna’s hair! Isn’t that something?”, he observed. “She’s already really attractive, but this new hairstyle takes her to another level. I’m not objectifying her; I just mean aesthetically, her hair is so… intricate.”

“She’s obviously someone who cares about her appearance and I feel like I should say something to her about that, just for the sake of being polite,” he continued. “But I recognize that circumstances being what they are, in the times we live in, any observation I make could be considered culturally inappropriate and possibly sexist, maybe even predatory. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable and I certainly don’t want to get myself in trouble. Hoo boy, this is tricky. But I feel like I have to say something.”

He then called out, “Hey Brianna, you and your hair don’t inspire me to masturbate at all.”

“I thought that actually went about as well as could be expected,” he said later as he waited outside of the office of the company’s human resources manager.