5 reasons I’m better than you

Here is a list of 5 reasons I am better than you.

5. I was on Television

Everyone knows that being on television, really in any regard, raises your status above non-televised people. Everyone strives to be the center of attention and broadcast on TV whether they publicly admit it or not. Even if they’re untalented and ugly, they still wish to be on TV for some reason and loved and adored by millions of strangers. I was on TV, multiple times, therefore a major reason I am better than you.

4. I don’t own a car

I do not have a car, I sold it when I left Florida. This has minimized my carbon footprint and made me more “green.” I release less emissions into the world and am therefore a “better person,” and more valuable to society for doing such, and remaining out of traffic, (except when I borrow my friends or parents’ cars.)

3. I don’t own a house

I do not own any land or a place to live. By being a paternal renter, I am stimulating the economies of many nations, home and abroad. I am contributing to others getting rich by paying others on a monthly basis, while I suffer for the good of others. Just like Jesus did! I am giving away my moneys and worldly possessions in order to continue to live.

2. I don’t have a job

I work on a gig economy and I don’t have stable employment. By being “free” that way, I am constantly in panic mode wondering how I am going to survive, and not taking up an important stable job that someone else will benefit from. I am letting people cut me in-line metaphorically on a daily basis towards a life of stability. Again, I am suffering for the sake of others gain. 

1. Did I mention I was on TV? And I have more followers than you maybe.

Social media following is pretty much the most important thing on earth, to everyone. Numbers don’t lie. And as my numbers dwindle by the month, I still somehow remain more followed than you. Or maybe I’m not? In which case then, you have become better than me. Congratulations! See how I have no problem giving you that praise? That’s how much better of a person I am than you. I’m humble and grateful. Very important traits for someone better than you. And let’s not forget, I was on TV, and that cannot be taken away from me regardless of how hard certain telecommunications conglomerates try to scrub my existence from the ether. 

Which is totally fine! Because I’m such a better person that I’m not affected by really anything, I just exist in a constant platitude of gratitude. A ball of goodness and charity and joy that just, alright who am I kidding, of course you’re better than me! You’re all better than me!… No, that can’t be true, I’m better than some people for sure. Right? I have to be! I don’t think I’m bad. I think I’m good. I swear! I think I’m about the same as everyone else. I make mistakes and I also am a decent person to interact with. I don’t demand anything or get annoyed at people (to their face.) I’m a nice easy interaction to anyone throughout the day. In fact, some would say I was a good interaction of the day!

Because I’ll say stuff like, “I like your hair! Nice colors.” And then they go, “oh thank!” And I’ll go, “yea, it reminds me of fireworks with all the colors.” And then they’ll give me an extra double chocolate chunk cookie at insomnia cookies. And then I’ll push too far and go, “Do you want to go out some time?” And they’ll go, “No…” and I’ll go, “Ah, ok, no problem.” And I’ll leave and I won’t go back to the cookie place because I’m embarrassed now. So that’s courteous of me! That I won’t bother to go back to that place and make the person feel uncomfortable after they rejected me. That’s a trait of a decent person I would believe.

Anyways, I don’t actually think I’m better than you I think we’re exactly the same but sometimes people have tendencies to let their emotions get out of hand while others have better control of them. That’s really the only difference between all of us. We’re all the same, but some people can’t control lashing out at others because they’re hurting inside. We’re all hurting but some of us figure out better ways to focus that hurt towards something else, or something productive. Something like writing a fake news article about why they’re better than other people. Something like that.

Most people just go to the gym or go running or whatever. Me on the other hand. I create art for all of the world to enjoy. Not just selfishly go work on my physique. And that. At its core. Is why. I am better than you.