Britney Spears just wanted to visit Winter the Dolphin

Finally freed from the constraints of a conservatorship that restricted her access to her finances and even basic life decisions, among the first things pop star Britney Spears had planned on doing was visiting Clearwater to visit Winter the Dolphin.

“The ‘Dolphin Tale’ movies were among the few I was ever allowed to watch,” said Spears. “For years, I dreamed about meeting Winter. Petting her bottle-shaped snout, feeding her a fish, maybe getting her to leap through a hoop. I just felt like we were kindred spirits because that has basically been my existence too. Honestly, the dream of meeting her was the one thing that kept me going.”

“Now that I can spend my own money on something I want, I decided to Uber down here to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium in order to make that happen. And what, I have to find out she passed away? This sucks! I never thought my dad would stoop to killing a dolphin just to spite me but then, I also can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Oh poor, sweet Winter; I guess we’re both finally free,” she added tearfully, as she pointed toward Heaven, got confused and gestured to an empty dolphin tank and then back at Heaven again.