Florida Man Turns Rifle Into Fleshlight

A Pasco County man was arrested for exposing himself and performing sex acts on a bolt action rifle in front of his trailer again, last Friday, according to Pasco police records.

Robert Webster, a 41-year-old man with a long criminal record was high on methamphetamine when he covered the barrel of his Smith and Weston rifle and then decided to put his genitals down the barrel.

“He does this every time a woman gets nominated for President.” Said Pasco Police Chief Hector Nondenomino.

“Other crimes he’s committed include, baking a handgun into a pie then donating it to a battered women’s shelter, having his dog drive him across state lines, and a third one I can’t remember.” Nondenomino said.

Webster received probation and a McDonalds gift card.

“Yea, once you’ve committed 40 crimes you win a McDonald’s gift card.” Denomino regretfully admitted. 

“It’s a pretty weird system we function on. And I’m including Webster in that.” Joked Denomino letting out a big laugh after his punchline.