Trigger Treat: 6 halloween costumes guaranteed to get you canceled

This Halloween, make it your last with friends, by canceling yourself with one of these offensive costumes

6. Justin Bieber’s “Diddy Bopped” Asshole

According to tabloids, Justin Bieber is currently a recluse due to his fear that his behavior with P. Diddy was filmed and could leak at any moment, so he’s being faced with the trauma that he’s avoided for many years. Dress up like his asshole after Diddy drugged him and took advantage of him. What that costume looks like exactly, I’m not sure, and I feel kind of gross even writing this because, poor guy, you know. What a tough sitch for the Biebs. But fuck ‘em I doubt I’ll ever meet him so I’m not too worried. I’m not saying I will never meet him, because I’m a talented artist, so there’s a chance we cross paths, but Tampa News Force articles are a deep cut, and I’d be shocked if he found this.

5. Kamala Harris in Blackface

Dress up like Kamala and paint your face. That’ll ruin your social life. Feel free to get rid of all friends and acquaintances with this one. You may attract some new friends, but odds are it will be people who are not enjoyable to hang out with. I mean maybe a couple, but probably not really. Talk with a bunch of different accents and point a real loaded Glock at people. That’ll get you canceled and probably arrested too.

I can’t think of anymore off the top of my head. I actually can, but as I write this I think, “Oh wow, maybe I’ll end up canceling myself if I keep writing this.” I mean I know in this article alone I’ve already crossed the line, and in my career I’ve created an infinite amount of things that will keep me from ever having a job with any sort of responsibility, but I don’t know… Alright fine I’ll keep going.

4. Kramer from Seinfeld with 2 black people on leashes

Ok, I’m not writing a description for this one.

3. Michelle Obama’s Penis

Costume of a giant penis, and also you’re in blackface.

2. The Dead Body Found In The Lake Behind Obama’s House in Martha’s Vineyard

Remember that story? God so strange.

1. It’s all a distraction

They say for every truth we uncover, 2 new lies are covered. We will never be more in the light than we are in the dark. They’re so good at making you feel like you’ve achieved something or are finally gaining ground on corruption. That’s how good at it they are. They pretend to take away abortion just so they can give it back to you and make you feel like you really achieved something. Just like alcohol, and weed, and voting, and basic human rights. They’ll give us small victories every 100 years while they get another 100 trillion dollars. And we’ll continue to love it forever and be very grateful. Or not, I don’t know. Now that’s a scary costume right? Can you imagine being that guy?