Alligators Unexpectedly Excited About Upcoming ‘Super Hunt’

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) has opened its application for alligator harvest permits, including a new Alligator Super Hunt, a prospect that alligators are surprisingly looking forward to.

“Granted, at first glance, being the subject of a ‘super hunt’ doesn’t sound like something you’d be excited about,” said an alligator. “But it’s going to draw the kind of macho doofuses who would want to say they participated in a ‘super hunt’ and that could be delicious for us.”

The annual statewide harvest program allows Floridians and non-residents to harvest up to two gators per permit from a specific alligator management unit or county. Many services throughout the state offer trophy hunting expeditions.

”That’s hilarious. Yes please! Get really up close and personal! That is a fantastic idea”, said the alligator. “Yeah, and bring some fat, out-of-shape guys,” said another one who had swum up when it noticed me eating a chicken salad sandwich. “Oh, you know that’s gonna happen,” the first one responded, to which they both laughed and tried unsuccessfully to execute a high-five, an effort hampered by their short alligator arms.

“So sure, it seems like an unfair competition, with the hunters armed with all kinds of deadly weapons and our only defense against that is just being gators and odds are we’ll come out on the short end of this,” said the first alligator. “But if you’d ever tasted dumb, fat humans, you’d know the reward is sweeter when the risk is high,”