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Baddest M*th*r F*ck*r In The Valley waits patiently in line for a chai vanilla latte and a butterscotch scone


Chad Corey, who holds the title of “Baddest Motherfucker In The Valley” as proclaimed by a t-shirt he was wearing at the time, was seen recently at the Just Love Coffee Cafe in Brandon, waiting patiently in line to order some breakfast items.

“He ordered a vanilla chai latte and a butterscotch scone. At no point did I feel like he was any kind of threat to my safety or any of our staff or customers”, said Bonita Milsap, an assistant manager who happened to be operating the cash register. “Until he turned around and I read what was on his shirt. Then, of course I was terrified.”

“I’m surprised he waited behind four people to order and he didn’t just kill them, step over their dead bodies and demand what he wanted. I guess you can’t judge Bad Motherfuckers based solely on appearance and reputation, huh?”

Customer Susan Handschwitz was less than impressed. “I guess they’re making Baddest Motherfuckers In The Valley a lot smaller these days”, she said. “I’m 57-years-old, I do yoga twice a week and I could have snapped his scrawny ass in two.”

“What are you when you’re badder than the Baddest Motherfucker In The Valley?”

“I wouldn’t have pegged the Baddest Motherfucker In The Valley as a butterscotch fan”, said Rudy Gerbet, another customer. “Maybe molten steel or blood of an enemy or some kind of flavor like that. Butterscotch is yummy but it’s not very badass.”

“I don’t think he’s a local”, said Jill Minsky, who was also there that day. “We don’t have any valleys around here, as far as I know. It’s Brandon. All it takes to be a Bad Motherfucker is to drive Highway 60 between here and downtown Tampa twice a day, five times a week.”

One observer who spoke to us anonymously was in front of Corey in line and said it might be unwise to underestimate any potential threat he presents.

“I heard him muttering and he said ‘I’ll tell you one thing, they better not put too much foam on that bitch or I will lay waste to this piece and everybody in it!’ And to be fair he did order a latte, not a cappuccino.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54