Man from Brandon feels personally betrayed by Kid Rock
Formerly relevant cultural appropriator Kid Rock was spotted drinking a Bud Light beer at a Colt Ford concert in Nashville Thursday night, an act that Andy Gibblenitz of Brandon considers nothing less than betrayal.
“Aw no! Kid Rock has fallen and I’ve been backstabbed,” he screamed with anguish upon finding out. “I feel like I’m in a Shakespeare play.”
“I don’t really know anything about Shakespeare other than he’s banned at my daughter’s school, so I assume he sucks. And this sucks, so that must be what this is like,” he added.
His lament continued, “Eating at Cracker Barrel, Disney, parking my boat wherever I want and listening to those three or four hit records by Kid Rock were the only things in life that I enjoyed. Now they’re all Woke!”
“Man, we can’t have nothin’,” he said without any implied irony. “I might as well go watch the Barbie movie.”
“How could he do this to me?” he asked. “And what about poor Travis Tritt? Is anybody thinking about poor Travis Tritt??” he asked in a seemingly rhetorical manner, since in fact, no one had thought of Travis Tritt in months for any reason at all.
“When Kid Rock launched the boycott by shooting up those cases of Bud Light a little more than half a year ago, I felt like I was every one of those bullets piercing those faggot cans and spraying their bubbly guts everywhere, saying ‘hell yeah, take that you faggots!’ I don’t feel like a bullet anymore. Now I don’t know what to think.”
“Well, I didn’t know what to think prior to that either. I guess I’ll have to await new instructions from Marjorie Taylor Greene or the MyPillow Guy.”
