Casually racist Rays fan excited about free agent signing

Chris Strapper of St. Petersburg, a Tampa Bay Rays fan who doesn’t see color, has Black friends, likes “good” hip-hop, loves Mexican food and “even dated one once in college”, is excited that the team has signed Japanese right-handed pitcher Naoyuki Uwasawa to a minor league contract with an invite to major league spring training camp.

“I was saying all last season that we should go out and get ourselves one of those Ohtanis and that’s exactly what we did”, he said, referencing Shohei Ohtani, the Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher/designated hitter who also happens to be Japanese. “I can’t wait to watch ours win 20 games while striking out 250 guys and hitting over .300 plus mashing 40 dingers because that’s how they’re making them over there now. I think it has something to do with their schools. Did you know they all learn English, trigonometry and martial arts before their 7th birthday or the government sentences them to death? I read that somewhere. I’d sure like to see our dumb, weak kids here in America get that kind of education!”

“Plus, it’s a low-risk deal; if he fails to live up to the standard, we can say ‘annyeong’ and ship his ass right back to China”, he added as everyone tried not be seen acknowledging him in any way.

“Oh come on, what did I say wrong this time?”