Clearwater Novelty Inventor Sues Israel

Following a rash of incidents involving exploding communication devices in Lebanon last week, a man who has owned and operated a joke shop in downtown Clearwater since 1978 has filed a copyright infringement suit to protect the brand of one of his products.

“The exploding pager is mine,” said Raymond DeBruiser, proprietor of Ray’s Jokeporium. “Everybody knows that!”

Last Tuesday, pagers were turned into deadly weapons as thousands of them simultaneously exploded in Lebanon, killing 37 people and injuring thousands. The explosions targeted the militant and political group Hezbollah, after the devices had reportedly begun beeping and heating up. The next day, wireless walkie-talkies exploded killing 20 and injuring 450 others. Hezbollah blamed the explosions on Israel.

“Look, I’m not interested in the politics of all that. I’m just trying to not get ripped off. Thousands killed or injured and I didn’t see a dime from it? That’s bullshit,” he said. “I sell all the classic novelties: whoopee cushions, joy buzzers, fake dog poop. But the exploding pager, which I trademarked as the Blasto Beeper, is something I actually invented. It’s mine!!”

“Granted, it’s not among my best selling items because as far as pranks go, blowing someone’s dick off is a little farther than most people want to take it,” he admitted. “But still, it’s the principle of the whole thing. I don’t know where they got their exploding pagers from, but it wasn’t from me.”