Clearwater woman diagnosed with Bi-Poehler Disorder

Carla Bermudez of Clearwater can’t seem to figure out how she feels about comedic actor Amy Poehler.

“On one hand, I loved NBC’s ‘Parks and Recreation’. It’s such a masterful satiric takedown of small town suburbia and low-level governmental bureaucracy,” she said. “On the other, I hate 2008’s ‘Baby Mama’. What an absolute piece of shit that was.”

“‘Parks and Recreation’ was successful due to some great writing and a stellar ensemble cast that included Chris Pratt, Aubrey Plaza, Rob Lowe and Retta, but Poehler was the lead,” she added. “Then again, ‘Baby Mama’ also featured an all-star ensemble cast with Sigourney Weaver, Greg Kinnear, Dax Sheppard, Wil Forte and Fred Armison among others, and Tina Fey was ostensibly the lead in that.”

“She was great on Saturday Night Live’s recurring ‘Weekend Update’ segment,” she said, fighting back tears. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I actually prefer Michael Che and Colin Jost.”

“So I just… I just don’t know!” she said. “It’s ruining my life.”

Bermudez’s personal physician, Dr. Marian Proctor says, “Amy Poehler is an unquestionably talented performer, but in reality nobody, aside from maybe Ms. Poehler herself, should feel as strongly about her performances on television and in film, positively or negatively, as Carla does. It’s just not healthy.”

“For that reason, Carla is on a strict regimen of Aripiprazole, Clozapine, Haloperidol, Olanzapine, Quetiapine, Risperidone and Ziprasidone,” said Dr. Proctor.

Asked what good those medications are expected to provide, Dr. Proctor said, “Oh, probably none; she’s nuts. But she has full medical so, what the heck.”