Rumors have been rampant for months that Florida Governor and somehow-still-2024-Presidential-Election-hopeful Ron DeSantis is wearing some sort of lifting device in his cowboy boots in order to appear taller than he is, a charge that DeSantis vehemently denies.
“I am so sick and tired of these slanderous attacks. They can’t touch me on my record or my campaign platform so they only thing they can do is come after me personally,” he said at a campaign stop at Busch Gardens in Tampa. “Well, I’m here today to put an end to this particular one for once and for all!”
He then stepped from behind the lectern and said, “Check out these just standard, off-the-rack Lucchese boots. Size 8. Oops, I mean size 11. Go ahead. Look at them!”
The gathered media leaned in close to inspect the boots, which appeared to be unaltered in any way whatsoever and worn on feet at the end of 6′ wooden legs that were stamped ‘PROPERTY OF BUSCH GARDENS’.
“I will be taking no questions at this time. Thank you,” he said abruptly and strutted off confidently to a limousine that he could not get into comfortably.