DeSantis DeNounces ‘Woke Baseball Classic’, Declares USA Winner
Last night in Miami, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis issued a proclamation honoring the team representing the United States in the recently completed World Baseball Classic as the rightful winners of the global tournament.
“I don’t care what the scoreboard said, baseball is America’s game, America is number one and America is the winner,” he said, referring to the scoreboard that said Japan was actually the winner, defeating the USA 3-2.
“This is what’s inherently wrong with ‘woke’ culture. The inclusion of all those other nations for no reason other than the fact that they have baseball teams served what purpose?” he asked. “It just weakens America’s claim to being the greatest at baseball by forcing them… I mean, US… to actually prove it by winning baseball games. Wokenessocity rearing its ugly head once again and it’s unfair.”
“By allowing teams from other countries to compete in baseball, Major League Baseball is destroying opportunities for American baseball players, making a mockery of its championships, and perpetuating a fraud,” DeSantis declared. “In Florida, we reject these lies and recognize America as the best baseball team in the whole wide world, especially Florida.”
“Dude, what is he talking about?” said Team USA and New York Mets infielder Pete Alonso of Tampa.”Does he even know how baseball works?”
“Those other places already have their own national sports; bug eating, goat herding, banana ranching or whatever they do. Let them have their trophies for that and leave us alone.” DeSantis added, concluding his remarks abruptly before leaving the podium to seek Shohei Ohtani’s autograph.