Skip to content

DeSantis displays remarkable restraint in missing Florida taxpayers with some bullshit

A proposal put forth by some Florida Republicans to use taxpayer money to help pay for former President Donald Trump’s multiple legal battles has fallen apart after Gov. Ron DeSantis said he would veto the legislation, something of a surprise from someone who’s shown an eagerness to roll over for Trump at the slightest provocation.

“I don’t suppose there’s a way we could just take the money from, you know, certain niche, minority subsects of the taxpayers and leave the good ones out of it, is there?,” he asked, making a spasmic facial gesture that might have been an attempt to wink conspiratorially. “No, I figured not. Then that’s gotta be a naw from me, dawg.”

State Sen. Ileana Garcia, a Miami Republican who endorsed Trump’s reelection and must be out of her goddamned mind, filed a bill for this year’s legislative session that would allow the state to hand over up to $5 million to the embattled Republican front-runner for president. This measure was endorsed by Jimmy Patronis, the state’s Republican chief financial officer, who for months has been publicly calling for taxpayers to pay to defend Trump from criminal charges and must also be batshit crazy.

“I’m frequently bothered to the point of being nauseated by the political shenanigans that take place in Florida and all over the country these days, but if this had somehow gone through I would have set my own house on fire with me in it,” said Tampa resident Larry Quipz. “So thanks for showing a little backbone and common sense for a change, DeSantis.”

“Not that the bill ever really had a chance, due to numerous potential legal hurdles regardless of my input but I’m proud to be a member of a political party whose legislators are so kind and compassionate that they would be willing to spend their constituents money on the legal woes of a multibillionaire instead of wasting time on silly things like our state’s ongoing affordability problems, including the property insurance crisis,” said DeSantis, adding, “Please don’t be mad at me Mr. Trump.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54