DeSantis marked safe from February

Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed.

“There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to Frederick Douglass or Jackie Robinson or some other undesirable are pretty low at this point.”

“Just to be safe, we burned the few remaining books in the governor’s mansion official gubernatorial library, which also serves as the second floor mop closet,” he added. “You can’t be too careful.”

DeSantis himself confirmed his protected status, marking himself safe on Facebook and saying, “It’s true, I haven’t learned one thing about those people, their culture or their so-called history this month.”

“I almost accidentally watched the Super Bowl but a brave state trooper dove and knocked the remote out of my hand at the last second before Sheryl Lee Ralph started singing that awful, divisive song about lifting every voice,” he said. “That was close!”

“Anyway, onward into the month of March with all my preconceived notions, opinions and stereotypes intact! Thank goodness!”

Reached for comment, former President Donald Trump said, “He might be safe from February but he’s not safe from me. I’m gonna get him. Just like how the Bloods got Ricky in ‘Boyz n the Hood’.”