DeSantis releases hit song
Following the success of Jason Aldean’s controversial song “Try That In a Small Town” and its accompanying video, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has released his own country song and it’s already a hit.
“I always knew I could be a great singer/songwriter,” said the governor and ersatz presidential candidate. “Not that I’ve ever done anything like this before but I figured it had to be super easy to write a country song. And it is.”
“Just mention a couple of things that get the yokels all riled up, just like my regular rhetoric, but set it to some simple ‘music’, sit back and watch the SoundScan numbers go through the roof.”
DeSantis’s song is titled “Try That In a Panhandle State” and the lyrics reflect some of the issues upon which DeSantis has taken stances that weren’t issues until he made them issues…
Sucker punch Mickey Mouse on Main Street USA
– Try That In a Panhandle State
Well, that’s perfectly okay
Kids in school should be forced to pray
Just don’t let them say “gay”
This is where WOKE goes to die
Whether you’re straight, gay or bi
No CRT in our junior high
Mister, that shit here ain’t gonna fly
Well, try that in a panhandle state
Where we think Kid Rock is pretty great
In case it’s not clear, I’m talkin’ about Florida
But nothing rhymes with “Florida”
But you cross that line, it won’t take long
Because it’s super easy to write a country song
The song recently earned four out of five Hell Yeahs in a review from Inbred Bumwad magazine.
“I just love the whole state of Florida so much and this song really reflects that,” said DeSantis as he tunelessly strummed a guitar.
The video for the song was shot outside the Maury County Courthouse in Tennessee, the same site as Aldean’s song and of the 1927 lynching of Henry Choate. When asked why a location in Florida wasn’t used, DeSantis said, “If you’re going to shoot a video for a pro-lynching anthem in Florida, the obvious choice is Brooksville and I’m not going to that shithole.”
