DeSantis shocked to learn that he is running for President

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis expressed surprise upon learning that he has announced his candidacy for the 2024 Presidential Election during an event streamed on Twitter with Elon Musk last night.

“Who, moi? For El Presidente?”, he said, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, allowing a small string of saliva to trickle out and hang from his lower lip. “Well, how about that!”

He continued to insist that he didn’t know that he was going to run.

“Honest, fellas. I had no idea! I didn’t know until Elon mentioned it last night, at which point I was all like, ‘Whaaaa…??’ That’s why the thing started almost a half hour late; I didn’t know it was going to be on the World Wide Web. You can’t imagine how much stuff happens around here that I don’t find out about until they’re done deals. Especially when I have my hands full dealing with Disney and the gays and drag queens and illegal immigrants in Texas and keeping people in the right bathrooms. Sometimes I don’t even have time to ban all the books I don’t like. You’re the one really running things here day-to-day, aren’t you, Debra?” he said chuckling while gesturing to an administrative assistant standing behind him. “Heckuva gal, that Debbie.”

“My name is Paul and I’ve worked for you for seven years”, the assistant muttered, as he stared at the floor and shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

“I guess if somebody – who knows who? Elon Musk maybe? – is going to say I should run for President, then I guess I should run for President”, DeSantis said. “I came up with this idea just now and not several months ago, but what do you all think of the slogan, ‘America: One Big Fat Florida’? Not that it matters. I don’t give a fuck what anybody else thinks about anything. Even Elon Musk.”