Florida Avenue News Force Headquarters – Hillsborough County – Thursday 4.18.2019
In an almost unprecedented dick move, Florida Avenue Brewing (a Brew Bus Brewing entity) has decided that the infantile claiming of copyright over a street that was created in 1931 c.e shouldn’t stop with suing a local business owner for naming his restaurant after the road that some speculate Christ himself walked on during His final Spring Break Weekend.
Florida Avenue Brewing claims it owns all rights to the name “Florida Avenue” itself – and that Florida Avenue should be legally required to change its name to “Why Are There So Many Douchebags On Fixed Gears Drinking IPAs On Me Avenue”.
Previously, Brew Bus Brewing sought to financially destroy local business owner and coffee-world heartthrob Greg “Spaddy” Spadaccini in a currently active lawsuit against not only his new restaurant, Florida Avenue Eats, but in a personal lawsuit against the new father directly.
When asked if he believed it was ethical to sue the father of a newborn over such a blurred line of trademark, a keg of Rising Hope IPA (ironically the smuggest and most cold-hearted of all IPAs) responded with this – “Ethics? You want to question me about ethics? I’ll bet his baby doesn’t even know the difference between a Session IPA and a Belgian IPA. You think a child like that deserves food?”
Brew Bus Brewing & Florida Avenue Brewing may have bitten off more than their team of corporate lawyers can chew, now facing the entire city of Tampa in their crusade to claim Florida Avenue. Experts believe that while their legal dick may be big enough to fuck a sole proprietor and make his life hell, their overreaching legal balls may have a tough time defeating the gigantic swinging cock of City Hall’s litigious collection of rock-hard attorneys.
But perhaps there is a silv-
UPDATE: We’ve just received a cease-and-desist as well as a formal summons to civil federal court for trademark infringement by Florida Avenue Brewing. It was a good run. Fuck.