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Florida Residents Tout Stand Your Ground Law As Lee Bears Down On Canada

Micanopy, FL – Post-Tropical Cyclone Lee is now making his presence known in Canada. Local residents believe they had something to do with that. 

Citizens of the town – one of the smallest in Florida – could be seen celebrating the storms most recent targeting of our friendly neighbors to the north. Why? The State’s well-known “Stand Your Ground” law, brought to prominence by Right Wing Super Hero George Zimmerman, which allows citizens a chance to gunsterbate and murder folks if they feel “threatened” in any way. Apparently.

“This man… what’s he calling himself? Lee? Well, it seems he wised up and just moved on to those socialist [redacted] up there in Canadia” Said local NRA enthusiast Bill Tweedlerichard, clutching an AR painted like an American Flag and standing next to a truck with fake bull testicles dangling from the hitch, before adding, “by the way, my pronouns are ‘2nd and Amendment.’”

The storm, at one point a very powerful hurricane, mostly stayed out to sea until this afternoon. “I have to believe he saw me waiting for him, armed like a proper Church Going American, and decided to attack someone less fortunate when it comes to God Given Rights. Just goes to show, like they say, ‘the only thing that stops any sort of threat is a Republican with a gun.’ I just thank the good man up top for giving Florida folks like myself the opportunity to stand up and protect ourselves in the face of evil danger hellbent on ruining lives.” 

At the time of this report, Atlantic Canadian residents were seen helping each other prepare their property and politely saying “Sorry” to the storm for being in the way.

Matt Amos

About Matt Amos

Matt is a former hockey player, former hockey satire blogger, and former contributor to the Tampa Bay Lightning blog Raw Charge. He’s also written five minutes of standup comedy that he hasn’t gotten to perform yet, thanks to COVID. A father of an almost-teenaged daughter, he has no shortage of dad jokes, cynicism, and annoying stories of the general public.