Hack Advisory Issued for United States

In the aftermath of current events that have taken place this weekend, the National Humor Department (NHD) has issued a hack advisory for everyone with functional eyes and ears everywhere in the United States.

Based on early indicators from social media posts and memes, conditions are going to be severely unfunny and citizens should avoid all comedy open mics and podcasts as well as limit their exposure to morning FM radio shows and late night TV talk shows for at least the following week.

“Yeah, the Trump thing on its own might have been enough to issue this warning,” said Wendell J. Bananerz, a bow tie-wearing chimpanzee speaking on behalf of the NHD. “But when you factor in the deaths of Richard Simmons, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Shannen Doherty and, well, comedy is just gonna be real, real bad for a stretch.”

Asked if the celebrity deaths put Boomers and Gen X at greater risk of experiencing as well as perpetrating not-just-offensive-but-fundamentally-terrible takes comprised of unoriginal, sloppily presented, repetitive and poorly-considered premises, obvious set-ups and disappointing punchlines, he said, “yes, definitely, but nobody is safe.”

In lieu of consuming newly created content, the NHD advises those seeking comedy to watch videos of old people and children falling down and getting hurt or classic Looney Toons and to stay tuned to Tampa News Force.

(Editor’s note: this post was made possible on a tip from occasional Tampa News Force contributing writer Liam C. Merio-Hull)