Posts by Liam C. Merio-Hull
Tom Brady to enter Canton as a Buccaneer
Legendary NFL quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement on Tuesday, and he neglected to mention the New England Patriots at all in his Instagram video. But he also made another announcement that has many sports fans surprised. “I’m going to Canton as a Buccaneer,” Brady said in a second Instagram post. “I know I played…
Read MoreMan Heckling Joe Biden Turns Out to Be Mirror
Scranton, PA — Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden was recorded getting into a spirited discussion with what he called an “old man heckler” at one of his final campaign stops before the election. The heckler turned out to be a full-length mirror he was passing on his way to an interview. “He wouldn’t let me get a word in,”…
Read MoreBuccaneers Sign Every Team’s #1 Receiver
Tampa, FL– In an impressive flurry of trades, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have acquired the top receivers of the other 31 National Football League teams. “It’s going to take some creative formations to get them all involved,” Head Coach Bruce Arians said. “But we’ll figure it out.” Arians envisions Mike Evans, Chris Godwin, Davante Adams…
Read MoreRoger Stone makes triumphant return to Tampa swingers clubs
Roger Stone’s prison commute has swingers clubs around Tampa rejoicing as one of their most distinguished guests has avoided criminal punishment. “We can’t wait to have him back!” Said Joe Slurpo, head of customer service at Slurpo’s Lounge in Brandon. “Him and his partner are very loving, fun, people, and it’s just a great time…
Read MoreNew Mayor Bans Fireworks in Tampa
Tampa, FL– A newly-elected mayor has banned fireworks in Tampa for the foreseeable future. The mayor, simply named “Mr. Ruffins,” has decreed that fireworks are a scourge on society and will not be tolerated in any form. Mr. Ruffins held a press conference in front of more than 300 Tampa Bay residents (mostly dogs) who…
Read MoreTrump Threatens Using Military on Citizens to Curb Out of Control Voting
“We have to dominate these people,” Trump said. “Otherwise, they’ll think you’re weak and they’ll all turn out to vote. They’ll even try to vote by mail! We have to stop them by any means necessary. ‘By any means necessary.’ Hey, I just made up a cool phrase!”
Read MoreConfederate Flag on I-75 to Be Replaced by Flag of Wakanda
Confederate Memorial Park – Hillsborough County – Sunday, 4.14.2019 The giant Confederate flag flying on Interstate 75 in Tampa, a source of controversy for years, is being replaced. After several weeks of tense negotiations, the flag will come down and be replaced with the official flag of Wakanda from the Marvel motion picture Black Panther. …
Read MorePasco Man Sues Charity over (No) Fun Run
Land O’Lakes Strip Mall – Pasco County – Thursday, 2.21.2019 A Pasco County resident is suing Lil Gamerz, a 501(c)(3) charity based in Land O’ Lakes, over what he claims was a bad experience at a recent fundraiser. The event, “Run For Red Dead,” featured a 5K race, as well as a one mile Fun Run.…
Read MoreBob Buckhorn pledges a better defensive effort for the upcoming night attack on Ybor City
City Hall – Downtown Tampa – Monday, 1.29.2019 Following the recent pirate attack on Tampa Bay, mayor Bob Buckhorn has pledged a better defensive effort for the upcoming night attack on Ybor City. “Gasparilla was a disaster,” a distressed Buckhorn said. “The pirate ship came right into Tampa Bay, just like it has for 115 years. Nobody put up a real…
Read MoreAmid Shutdown, Hungry TSA Agents Confiscating Snacks, Drinks
Tampa International Airport – Tampa – Friday, 1.18.2019 With no end in sight to the record-breaking government shutdown, federal employees are expected to work without paychecks. This group of 800,000 workers includes TSA agents monitoring passengers at airports around the country. As the political standoff continues, TSA agents are reportedly supplementing food costs by targeting…
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