Hillsborough River Fish Really Confused Right Now

A fish who has no name because only pet fish get names and who lives in the Hillsborough River is very confused about his environment right now.

“What the fuck is all this?”, asked the unnamed fish, regarding the water he lives in suddenly being an unnatural shade of green due to yesterday’s ‘River O’ Green’ event, hosted by the City of Tampa to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

“Well, that’s just great. Dumping yet more shit into our home because it’s fun for you to look at for a day and a half, but nobody considers those who have to live in it when you’re through looking at it,” he said. 

“And that’s another thing; you keep referring to me as ‘he’ when you don’t even know whether I’m a male or a female,” said the fish I thought was a male because it’s very difficult to discern the gender of fish unless you’re a marine biologist, which I am not.

“I am a male, but you didn’t know. You just made an assumption, which is illustrative of how you surface dwellers regard your sea creature neighbors,” he, definitely he said. “You disgust me.”