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Historic Ybor tunnels to become full service, teen night-clubs

Ybor City – Tampa, FL – Friday, 1.4.2019

Upon recent rediscovery of the Ybor City tunnels, it has been decided by a local slush fund to invest money in refurbishing and repurposing the historic Ybor tunnels to become full service, teen night-clubs.

“It just made sense.” Said Hector Jimenez, spokesman of the Ybor City Development Coalition. “I mean, there’s so many young kids trying to drink here, and, it’s easier for the adults if all the reckless children could just ‘be downstairs’ per say, and this is really a win-win for us. Nobody was using the tunnels, we hate the streets being filled with drunk minors, but the minors is literal mines! (Laughs loudly)”

Starting within the next few weeks, the tunnels will be open for business, and teens will be able to pull up right to the docks by the port authority, and be carted into the tunnels complete with underground ventilation, and Bluetooth speaker hookups every few yards.

“Kids like music, we give em music,” Says unground boatsman Kligo Feroney.

“I’ve been boating underground in caves and such for years, and it’s nice to finally get a local gig that’s stable and I’ll be able to feed my family.” Kligo turns to the water, “That place out there. Man… (Kligo shrugs and looks solemn.) I love that place. Water. Waves. It’s what I do it all for.”

Cover will be $30 for guys, and $5 for girls, once the tunnels open up. There will be no alcoholic service, however the bars will be stocked with Juul cartridges and gum. Hours will be from 2pm-7am, except for New Years, when there will be no set open or closing time.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

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