Hunter Biden Laptop Dances available at Mons Venus

The highly sought laptop computer that once belonged to President Joe Biden’s son Hunter has turned up at a Tampa gentleman’s club, the legendary and notorious Mons Venus.

In October 2020, a controversy emerged involving data from a laptop that belonged to Hunter Biden that was abandoned at a Delaware computer shop. Since then, some Republican political leaders have demanded access to it, as they feel the data stored on it links the Biden administration to unethical and possibly illegal conduct by Joe Biden as vice president with regard to his son’s tenure as a director for Burisma, a holding company for a group of energy exploration and production companies.

“Yeah, we have that thing,” said club owner Joe Redner. “And anybody can look at it for $50 for as long as it takes to play a Mötley Crüe song”.

Rod Gerod of Tampa says he personally perused many of the files on a recent visit to the club.

“There’s definitely some interesting stuff on it. I’d love to tell you all about it, but I can’t because I signed an NDA,” he said. “Which I thought at the time stood for ‘No Dicks Allowed’, as part of Tampa’s old 6-foot rule. Turns out it means Non-Disclosure Agreement and if I violate it, I could go to federal prison.”

“I didn’t go there to learn about the inappropriate handling of government secrets, but figured while I’m there what the heck,” he added. “Titties and emails; there are worse ways to spend a Wednesday afternoon!”

It’s not known exactly how Redner came to possess the controversial device, other than a generally accepted local belief that ‘you’d be surprised what Joe can get his hands on’.

As yet, the promotion has not been as popular as originally anticipated.

Cinnamon, an entertainer who works day and evening shifts on weekdays and Saturdays and Sundays at the club said, “As bad as the Republicans claim they want to look at it, you’d think there’d be a line to get in here. So far, that’s not the case. Maybe the price is too high, because in my experience, those assholes are a bunch of cheap, no-tipping bastards.”

“Also, there’s no underage gay porn on it, so Matt Gaetz probably isn’t really that interested.”