I don’t want to write this story about children’s genitals

In an effort to stay on top of the latest happenings in local media, I found out I had to write about the GOP’s ongoing effort to check children’s genitalia before they are allowed to played sports.

“I don’t want to write about this,” I said out loud while typing, alone in my office. “This is really weird and I regret becoming a journalist because of it.”

“When I was in college, I didn’t think this would be the journalism I was covering, but here we are.” I said out loud to myself.

“What the hell is this article?” I asked myself before realizing I had to explain it to my editor that Republicans are going to check children’s genitalia before they are allowed to play sports.

“That’s hella weird,” said TNF Editor-In-Chief, Barbara Walters. “If I were you, I wouldn’t write this article.”

She said to me during a one-on-one meeting.

“You should let someone who is good at writing and swaying public opinion write this,” she said before taking my draft and lighting it on fire in front of me.

Thanks to her feedback, I have decided to not write this article.

“So here it is, a few hundred words about nothing.” I said before closing my laptop and looking out the window.

I went for a walk around my neighborhood. I saw children playing sports in a park. I went up to them and asked them if anyone had inspected their genitals before they started playing.

One of the kids nodded and pointed at Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, who was sitting on a park bench pretending to read a newspaper.

“That guy wanted to make sure we weren’t gay or trans before we started playing,” said the child.

I then felt weird and left. I went inside my house and never went outside again.