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Cougars Find New Loophole

Cougars

The cougar exhibit at Busch Gardens has some exciting new curious cats that have recently found a new loophole in their habitat. “We installed climbing ropes in the containment enclosure to simulate the type of climbing cougars find in the wild,” said Busch Gardens’ head of cougar rehabilitation, McDanish Brekfestret.  “Instead of using the ropes,…

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Where should I take my mom in Tampa?

Take Mom Out this Mothers Day

Mother’s day is the only day of the year when people pretend to love their moms. Because of this, most places in Tampa will be swarming with families dragging around their family’s matriarch to show them the good time they never had while raising them. If you need some ideas and tips for where to…

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Grown Man Riding Hoverboard Offering Unsolicited Business Advice

Hoverboarder

While touring around his new neighborhood, northern transplant Trevor Plumb decided to offer nearby business owners tips to make things more accommodating for him. “I almost didn’t come in here,” said Plumb who decided to enter a coffee shop without getting off of his children’s toy commonly referred to as a hoverboard. “Yeah, that sign…

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Work from Home Apartment Complex Now Hiring/Accepting Tenants

Work From Home

In an effort to combat high rent prices, an apartment complex in Tampa is currently hiring and accepting tenants for the first-of-its-kind work from home apartment community. “We want to make sure that people working in Florida have a place to live,” said the community manager of the Walmart Warehouse Townhomes, Mig Chaloot.  “Our Walmarts…

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Tampa Opens Paddleboard Hunting Range

Paddle Boarders

A new business venture is hoping to combine the thrill of hunting wildlife with the serenity of paddleboarding. Kill Paddle Kill is Florida’s first attraction of its kind. “We have too many things that need killing on the Hillsborough River,” said owner and manager of Kill Paddle Kill, Mike Openhager. “We were originally a paddleboarding…

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Tampa Officials Blame Elevated Party Levels on Influx of Douchebags

Douchebags

Tampa’s party scene has exploded tremendously since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic and scientist think they have figured out why. “Our fastest growing demographic in this city includes young men with access to their parents money,” said USF Professor of Urban Sociology, Dr. Wyatt Nhao. “These men lack critical thinking skills and are generally…

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All of Tampa is Now Spice World

Spice World

During a press conference today, Mayor Jane Castor announced a new partnership with the 90s pop group Spice Girls to officially license the name Spice World. “This has been on my agenda since the first day I was sworn in as mayor,” Castor told reporters.  “Tampa has a lot of people smoking spice, and it’s…

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Big Cat Rescue to House Joe Burrow During Off-Season

Joe Burrow at Big Cat Rescue

After losing the Super Bowl, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback, Joe Burrow, has decided to spend the offseason getting in touch with his roots. “Did you know that less than 2,000 Bengal tigers exist in the wild?” Asked Burrow from inside the animal enclosure at Big Cat Rescue in Tampa, FL. “Next year, if I don’t win…

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Florida Loses Password to Emergency Rental Funds Account

Lost Password

The Florida government announced today that they have been locked out of the account holding over $700 million for the state’s rental assistance program. “I tried the password that was on the sticky note by the computer, but I guess I put it in wrong a couple times because it locked me out,” said Max…

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