Jesus Comes Back, Leaves Again
Jesus Christ returned to earth last Wednesday, before prominently leaving once again, for who knows how long.
The long-awaited return of the son of God was a huge deal for everyone of earth, but when he got back down and saw the state of humanity, he quickly ascended back up to heaven, with what some are calling, “a disgusted look on his face.”
Jesus came down from the sky in a shining light and appeared at the center of the men’s badminton tournament at the Paris Olympics, with the plan of addressing humanity, then integrating back into the population and performing miracles and preaching.
But apparently, on his journey back down to earth he spent a few moments on Instagram and Facebook and began thinking that it was a bad idea to come back down.
“I saw some videos of people knocking each other out in front of night clubs on the internet, and at first I thought, that’s ok, it’s not as bad as the violence I used to witness in Israel, but then I saw the weaponry being used in current day Israel and that alarmed me a bit, then I saw videos of children dancing and fighting and using strange vocabulary and it all was a bit disturbing and I’m worried that there’s really no point in me being here. I don’t think you want me here, even though a lot of you say you do, it appears the ones who say they want me here the most are the most opposite of what I’ve taught. I think we made a mistake ever having me come down in the first place. Prove me wrong.”
That was the entirety of Jesus Christ speech before he immediately shot back up to heaven in a blast of light.
Some people are denying it happened, some people are saying it was AI, others think it was an actor using special effects.
“The real Jesus would never talk to me like that.” Said Medici Alfonso, an Italian fashion designer who was in attendance of the badminton tournament when the occurrence happened.
“I make clothing with demonic themes and charge thousands of dollars for it and donate nothing to anyone and I’m extremely greedy. I just don’t believe Jesus would ever address me like that. He should treat me with respect, I’m very wealthy and prominent in the fashion world.” Scoffed Alfonso.
“Let’s just say he’s lucky I wasn’t allowed to bring my rifle into the badminton tournament or else he never would’ve gotten away with talking to me like that.” Said Mark Stink, successful, American, private prison conglomerate.
“Nobody talks to me like that, I don’t care if I have a thousand pictures of the guy painted on my boats and my monster trucks, he can go straight to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.” Angrily roused Stink.
A homeless woman in the street outside of the tournament claimed the figured that was going to happen and actually showed me a notebook where she had written down months ago that, that exact occurrence would take place.
I said, “Wow, how did you predict that so exactly? That’s amazing.”
And she said, “I have no possessions and I live in nature and I’m connected directly to the spirit of God and I see the world for what it has become, there was no other possibility than what took place. Of course Jesus would not stay down here with us, we don’t deserve his presence.”
Anyway, I was just happy to travel to Paris to interview people for this story.
You know they sell ice cream at McDonald’s over here! It’s so cool!
Will Jesus ever come back to earth again? Maybe. We’d hope so. But probably not. Not at least for many generations, probably. But at least we had our moment with him and he showed he was still real! At least for the people who don’t believe it was CGI or AI.
Oh well. I still like the guy, and I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to hang out with us. I barely want to hang out with us. I just kind of have to. You know, got to pay bills and make enough to eat a meal every day. That’s about it. We love you Jesus! Thanks for saying hi!
