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Lauren Boebert thrown out of local comedy club


Rep. Lauren Boebert, R-Colo., also known as “somehow dumber than Matt Gaetz” and “the one who makes Marjorie Taylor Green seem relatively hinged by comparison”, was escorted out of a stand-up comedy performance in Clearwater last night for alleged disruptive behavior.

A patron was asked to leave the Cul-de-Laugh Comedy Club, billed as Tampa Bay’s only comedy venue located in a residential, deed-restricted community, officials with the Clearwater police department wrote in an incident report obtained by Tampa News Force. According to the report, the patron was warned about behavior that allegedly involved “vaping, singing [and] causing a disturbance” and prompted three complaints from other attendees who were there to celebrate a bachelorette party.

“She popped one of our penis-shaped mylar balloons and tried to steal Amber’s (the bride-to-be) tiara,” said Shannon Bitschler, one of the attendees who registered complaints. “It’s so obnoxious when someone’s out-of-control rowdy behavior ruins someone else’s out-of-control rowdy behavior.”

While Boebert isn’t identified in the report, her campaign manager, Drew Sexton, confirmed the incident in a statement.

“I can confirm the stunning and salacious rumors: after getting thrown out for showing her ass and getting her vape on while supporting the performing arts (gasp!) at last weekend’s performance of Beetlejuice at the Buell Theatre in Denver in her personal time, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert headed down to Florida to attend a comedy show under the apparently-mistaken assumption that she’d be helping the show and that Florida just generally doesn’t give a fuck, but what the fuck? Since when is it against the rules to laugh and give indiscriminate hand jobs at a comedy show?” Sexton wrote. “Right here is where I would throw in a gratuitous and irrelevant shot at the Biden Administration in a futile effort to deflect the negative attention but that didn’t work after the incident last week so it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a point of me wasting a zinger if everyone is going to react by rolling their eyes and saying ‘good one’ sarcastically.”

Headliner Brandon Chad had yet to take the stage when the incident occurred.

“I was in the green room and I thought a rabid howler monkey had gotten loose, which happens surprisingly often with live comedy shows,” he said. “I was relieved to see it was only a member of the United States House of Representatives being an asshole because the troublesome ones can be removed with relative ease via a free, public election.”

“Plus, unlike monkeys, if one of them is injured in the process, nobody gets too upset,” he added.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54