Local restaurant plays ‘Celebration’ without winning championship

Morty’s Diner, a family owned-and-operated breakfast and lunch restaurant was caught playing the Kool & The Gang song “Celebration”, which is a first-degree misdemeanor in the state of Florida.

“The law clearly states that any time that particular song is played in the absence of a sports championship, it is a crime punishable by a fine up to $1000 and possibly a year in prison,” said Captain Cal Mydia, an officer with the Florida State Police’s sports music division. “Actually, the law states that any restaurant whose menu isn’t at least 67% chicken wings, fries and/or burgers is prohibited from playing anything from the Jock Jam oeuvre.”

The incident was reported by a patron, Stella Gluglops of Tampa.

”It’s a fine restaurant and I really enjoyed my breakfast but they’re not raising a banner in the rafters or issuing rings to the staff over it,” she said. “And I just thought it was inappropriate.”

The restaurant’s owner and namesake Morty Bagelwurst feels the charge is unjust and the punishment is excessive.

”It’s just a radio station we pipe in to add some atmosphere! I don’t control what they play! I don’t even pay attention to it,” he said. “And for a small business like us, $1000 is a big deal. We may have to raise the price of pancakes in order to stay in business.”

”Cripes, it’s not like the song was ‘We Are The Champions’ by Queen,” he added.

”Good thing,” said officer Mydia. “Because that’s a felony.”