Mantee County Commissioner Solves Major Sunshine Skyway Problem

Fresh off of avoiding being formerly charged with various sunshine, ethics, and malfeasance violations due to what State Attorney Ed Brodsky said was a lack of evidence, Manatee County Commissioner Mike Rahn has focused his attention on a much more important issue: bridge lights.

The Sunshine Skyway is best known for being a bridge used by people to either get to Sarasota or the hell out of Manatee County as quickly as possible. In the past, it has been decorated with colored lights to commemorate occasions like Juneteenth and causes like support for Ukraine and Israel, as well as mental health awareness and others in addition to Pride Month and National Gun Violence Awareness Day.

Rahn expressed opposition for lights celebrating Pride month, saying in a February email he “will not be approving lighting of the Sunshine Skyway for Pride Month or National Gun Violence Awareness Day.”

Instead, the bridge will be lit in only red, white and blue for the next three months, and branded as symbolic of what some are calling “Freedom Summer”.

“Only red, white and blue? Goddamn right! The colors that unite all Americans, even the ones who aren’t welcome,” said Bradenton resident Ralph Pinkus, who has voted for Rahn in the past, in spite of not actually having heard of him before this whole bridge thing. “Listen, nobody is saying that gays, blacks and the mentally ill can’t enjoy Freedom Summer; just that they should shut up and not acknowledge any of that stuff the rest of us don’t want to hear about.”

“Not having a gay bridge is a great way to send that message,” he added. “Well done, Commissioner Whatshisname.”