New attraction opens at Busch Gardens

Following the sudden appearance of  a large sinkhole beneath a wastewater treatment pond at Busch Gardens Tampa Bay, the amusement park has announced the creation of a new ride for visitors.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Flint River Rapids!” declared park spokesperson Linda Rinoralley, with a flamboyant right-hand gesture while holding her nose with her left.

On November 18, the 15-foot wide and 15-foot deep sinkhole appeared underneath a wastewater pond and dumped nearly 2.5 million gallons of it into the ground. 

“And here we are, less than two weeks later turning a catastrophe into an opportunity. Because that’s what we do in Florida and corporate America: convert 2.5 million gallons of toxic sewage into 2.5 million gallons of family fun,” she said. “This should make our guests from the Midwest feel right at home plus it will give all visitors a truly immersive opportunity to experience firsthand the detrimental effects of mankind’s hubris in trying to defy or somehow improve upon nature or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t a philosophy major.”