Ordained minister hasn’t set foot in a church in years

Derek Flood of Tampa, who was ordained as a minister by the Universal Life Church (ULC) “as a goof” four years ago, has not been inside a house of worship for any faith in a very long time.

“Yeah man, I don’t go to church,” he said. “That’s the beauty of the ULC; you don’t have to!”

“That, and that it doesn’t cost anything and you don’t have to take any classes,” he added. “It kind of seems like a scam, except like I said, it didn’t cost me any money.”

Flood said he was drunk one night when he saw an ad online for the non-denominational religious organization founded in 1962 by Kirby J. Hensley, under the doctrine: ‘Do that which is right’ and decided to sign up. 

“I figured I’d go through the process right up to the point where they hit me up for money and then I’d bail, but they never did,” he said. “Next thing you know, boom, I’m an ordained minister!”

He said he doesn’t really think about it, often forgetting he’s a minister, and that he has no concrete plans for his ministry, aside from maybe marrying his friends if they ask him to and someday actually opening his own church for the tax breaks.

“I’ll marry gay people too, because that will make some people so mad, which I think is hilarious,” he said. “Also, my church will be open every Sunday afternoon, where we’ll put the NFL RedZone package on a big screen TV.”

“You can bring a dish for everyone to share, if you want. But don’t be a dick and beyond that, no rules,” he added, fleshing out what sounds like a pretty reasonable dogma for his as-yet unestablished church.