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Police Now Monitoring Every Bathroom in Florida

To comply with the new rules regarding trans people using bathrooms that don’t match the gender they were assigned at birth, the State of Florida will now be tasked with monitoring every public bathroom to stop law breakers.

“We are trying to protect the citizens of Florida from people who are sick in the head,” said Rachel Plakon, the bill sponsor and Lake Mary resident who hates trans people passionately. “I want to live in a Florida where trans people are forced to pee and shit themselves in public because they are too scared to use the restroom.”

As part of the new rules, every public bathroom will be equipped with high resolution security cameras that will allow police to view people’s genitalia.

“Sperm producing males are not women, and no amount of surgery and hormone therapy will change that,” continued Plakon. “If you claim to be a female and your body can’t produce eggs, you will be arrested for trespassing.”

When asked how this rule could be enforced without infringing on people’s privacy, Plakon ran away while plugging her ears and screaming, “LALALA I can’t hear you!”

The new rules are set to take effect immediately, which Plakon is really excited about.

To test out the ruling, Plakon held a demonstration at a minor league baseball game where she attempted to use the mens restroom because the women’s bathroom line was too long.

Plakon was able to safely use the bathroom stall and return to her seat.

“That’s weird, I thought the police would have stopped me by now,” she thought to herself out loud.

I reached out to the police department and they informed me that Plakon was not arrested because her female genitalia looks like penis.

“There’s no way, I was born a woman!” Screamed Plakon, “Now arrest me for trespassing, it was my law!!!”

The police on the scene refused to arrest Plakon, “Hey listen, we looked at your genitals and your pussy looks like a little dick.” Said the officer.

Plakon then took out a pair of handcuffs and tried to get into the back of the police car, but the officer pushed her out and told her to return to her seat to enjoy the rest of the baseball game.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos