Railroad industry has their act totally together now

Remember how trains were derailing every day just a few months ago and now you never hear about that? That’s because the railroad companies have all gotten together and fixed every one of their problems so nothing bad happens anymore.

“Yep, we were having kind of a bad run there for a while,” said industry spokesman Chuck Chu-Chu, which is a severely lazy made-up name, from his office here in Tampa. “But now we’ve tightened things up and everything is back on track, so to speak, literally and figuratively.”

Asked what steps were taken, he said, “Mostly little things really. For instance, did you know train engines had steering wheels for some reason? Kinda silly when you think about how trains work. So we had all those removed and gave the engineers one less thing to think about.”

“The other thing is that nobody is at risk from being exposed to toxic chemicals when a train derails because after our series of unfortunate mishaps, that stuff is all shipped by airplane now, the safest transportation option there is,” he added. “Now we’re back to filling our primary mission: hauling empty box cars covered in graffiti from New York around the country.”