Rays decide to wrap up ‘23 season

Following a 4-0 win over the Detroit Tigers to open the 2023 Major League Baseball season, the Tampa Bay Rays have decided that they’re done for the year.

“We had great pitching and defense, obviously. I mean, we shut them out,” said Rays manager Kevin Cash. “Plus, timely hitting with power. You really can’t ask for better than that.”

“So why bother? I think we proved we’re good at baseball.”

Playoff tickets will go on sale via TicketMaster and players will leave for 6-month vacations tomorrow morning.

“The way I see it, it’s everybody else’s responsibility to get on our level,” said Cash. “If and when that happens, we’ll be well-rested and waiting.”